


don't pull back the curtains (but please look inside)

by Roadside_Wildflower



Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Chloe-centric - Freeform, F/F, Family Issues, Pining, Pre-Relationship, Pretty much just angst, but hopefully interesting angst, just a one-shot rn but i might expand later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-09
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2020-01-07 13:19:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18411455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roadside_Wildflower/pseuds/Roadside_Wildflower
Summary: Despite what the other Bellas seemed to think, Chloe didn't come from a home of happy smiles and casual "I love yous." And she could see why. To them, she was Chloe, the Bella that the others came to when they were feeling down. She was the cheerful one, the bubbly one, the one who "just didn't get boundaries." The one who was always there, without fail.So yeah, she got why. She got why Stacie, and Jessica, and Ashley, and all the others thought that she would be happy to go home over winter break. But Beca? She thought they had a connection. Like, a connection kind of connection. So how could've Beca thought that she'd be happy to go home?





	don't pull back the curtains (but please look inside)

Despite what the other Bellas seemed to think, Chloe didn't come from a home of happy smiles and casual "I love yous." And she could see why. To them, she was  _Chloe_ , the Bella that the others came to when they were feeling down. She was the cheerful one, the bubbly one, the one who "just didn't get boundaries." The one who was  _always_  there, without fail.

So yeah, she got why. She got why Stacie, and Jessica, and Ashley, and all the others thought that she would be happy to go home over winter break. But Beca? She thought they had a  _connection._ Like, a  _connection_ kind of connection. So how could've Beca thought that she'd be  _happy_ to go home?

She didn't come from a home of passion, even misplaced, like Beca did. Chloe thought it almost romantic, that someone would give up their marriage and rapport with their child just to be with the person they loved, but there was no way she would ever tell Beca that.

It wasn't like her home wasn't some poor, broken thing either though. She didn't grow up with two-and-a-half families in one cramped three-bedroom house in Hialeah. That was her mother. She didn't come from some busted-up trailer out in rural Tift county Georgia with an abusive father. That was her father. But she almost would've preferred either of those to the home she did grow up in.

Her home had been a two-story house in the exurbs of Miami. It was larger than it had any right to be; it wasn't a mansion, but it wasn't a normal house for the city either. One of her best friends in high school (read: acquaintance she could tolerate) had once called it a "McMansion," a term that Chloe thought was surprisingly fitting. It was a McMansion on a row of McMansions in a subdivision of McMansions in a city whose style was most definitely not "upper-class Southern American exurb" (like seriously, Miami was all about art-deco and chic and Spanish and bright colors and mid-century modern, really  _anything_  but what her home was). But still it was there, sitting all neat and cookie-cutter in a row of disturbingly similar homes.

It was also the kind of house that rarely had the curtains drawn back, and when they were, everything was meticulously placed inside. Every _one_  was meticulously placed inside, playing at love, putting on a show for whoever had to see. And when the curtains were closed, it was nothing but deflection and half-truths and grudges and apathy.

She never talked about her family, not to anyone. That was one of the unspoken rules of the Beale household. Family business stays in the family, and often times not even then.

During her second year at Barden, When her older brother Eric, who she was closest to of anyone in her family, OD'd, her parents had initially told her that it had been a traffic accident. It was only after she had received an apology letter in the mail from Eric the next day, sent before he died, the she realized it was premeditated suicide through OD and not a "traffic accident." 

Somehow, her parents hadn't noticed what was going on until it had happened (somehow  _she_  hadn't noticed-- and she would never forgive herself for that), but what was worse than that was the fact that they had tried to cover it up. And to Chloe that was an unforgivable sin.

So that was when she stopped talking to her family, outside of holidays (which she wouldn't go to, if she wasn't relying on her father to pay for her school).

Growing up, she thought it all normal, and part of her still thinks it is. Chloe Beale has never seen a happy family before. She has never seen a happy relationship before. Her parents should've divorced years ago, and none of her brothers have had a positive long-term relationship yet, her closest cousin's engagement was broken off suddenly after three years for unspecified reasons, her favorite teacher in high school is chronically single, and her grandparents are such hot mess that she doesn't have the energy to reflect on them. And it hadn't really seemed any different for her friends growing up either. Sure, she had seen couples who  _looked_  happy, who smiled and held hands in public, but that didn't really mean anything. Soon enough, they would break up, or divorce, or cheat, or fall into a stagnant conjugal despair. 

Besides even if they were happy, eventually, every love story ends in tragedy.

So Chloe Beale didn't  _do_  love. She didn't, which is why she was terrified at the connection she felt with Beca. Which is why she tried to not nurture that treacherous seed of hope lodged deep inside her, that had been planted that first day at the activity fair and watered with the steam of that shower they had together. Which is why it was crushing to hear the next words out of the woman's lips, as they sipped on cheap booze from plastic cups at the Bellas' annual winter party on the last day of exams.

"What? But I thought you liked your family." 

Why did she think that? How could she think that? Chloe had never spoken a word about her family to her. So why would she think that?

"Hmm, and why do you say that?"

"I dunno, I guess cuz you're so bright and bubbly all the time, that usually means someone grew up in a pretty happy home, right?"

"Yeah, I guess you're right," Chloe said, a wry grin spreading on her face. Her ever-cheerful, carefully constructed face that was less a face and more a mask. That was little more than curtains, to be ignored until drawn aside to reveal an artificially pretty exterior inside. "Home is nice, but kinda hectic."

She had though Beca was different. She thought Beca had seen through the facade. But she hadn't. And it killed her.

"God, I'd give anything to have a home like yours instead of mine."

Of course. That's what it all circled back to.  _Beca's_  family. Her woe-is-me my parents got a divorce family. As if divorce wasn't exceedingly common. But Chloe didn't speak her mind. Why would she?

"You might take that back if you ever actually met them, they can be a bit much," Chloe said, taking a sip from her cup. "Just imagine a half-dozen me's, it can get kind of crazy."

"Hey, maybe I could come with you on break!" Beca said, her face lighting up.

"No, that isn't the best idea, Becs," Chloe said with a smile, and rolling her eyes for effect.

"And why is that?"

"My parents would freak if I brought a girl home. I love them to pieces, but they're not the most accepting people"

"Huh? But we're not--"

"It's not about what we are, but about what they think we are. They grounded me for an entire semester when they heard I was kissing a girl in high school, even when I denied it all," she said, the lie rolling off her tongue easily (though she was sure if they  _had_ heard about her kissing Rosa in high school, it would've happened just about like that). "So, if I brought you home, they would think we were dating. Which would be bad for both of us."

"Oh," Beca said softly. "I didn't realize you were gay. I mean, I thought Tom-- you know, I thought you two were..."

"We were," Chloe snorted. "I'm pan, Becs." Chloe glanced down on her phone, making sure to have surprise flit across her face. "I've gotta make a call real quick," she said, flashing Beca a smile. Beca nodded dumbly, and Chloe excused herself outside. She selected a contact on her phone, the one Bella who had already gone home a day early since she had no exams and a demanding father, and she waited impatiently for the woman on the other side to pick up.

_"Chloe?Is something wrong?"_

"Hey, Bree," she said, her voice slightly unsteady.

_"Hey, what's up?"_

"You were right."

_"I usually am, but what about?"_

"Beca. She's-- she's not any different."

_"Oh Chloe, I'm so sorry."_

"Yeah."

_"Well you know you've got me."_

"Yeah." Chloe paused. "I'm going to let you go now, okay? Sorry to bother you," she said, hanging up before Aubrey had a chance to respond.

Chloe slipped her phone into her back pocket and rubbed her temples.

It didn't matter, it shouldn't matter.

Every love story ends in tragedy, right? Maybe it was better to figure this out now, before she did something stupid like fail a class to stay another year just to keep singing with her.

Because fuck did that sound tempting, despite the crushing disappointment in her chest.

But Chloe Beale didn't  _do_ love. Chloe Beale wasn't sure what love was. Which suited her because you can't want for something you can't have, right? If it's true that you don't know what you have until it's gone, then if you never have something at all, then surely you could never miss it. Long for it. Want it.

Every love story ends in a tragedy.

Every love story ends in a tragedy

There is no such thing as a real love story.

Chloe Beale didn't do love.

Chloe Beale didn't do love.

But the more she repeated those thoughts, unspoken in her head, the hollower they felt as they echoed through her.

She felt hollow.

Donning her usual smile, she stepped back inside to the party.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first pitch perfect thing I've done (not that I've done much else lol) so hopefully I've done it alright. Like a month ago I rewatched the movie and started reading some fanfic, and I've been pleasantly surprised by how good a lot of it is. It's a neat relationship between them, so it's fun to read I figured I'd take a stab at if from an angle I hadn't really seen done before. I know I'm kinda late to the game here lol, but hopefully a few people read and enjoy it.
> 
> Just as a side note, Chloe isn't exactly blameless in her angst at Beca. Since it's from her perspective, she's a bit of an unreliable narrator (even though it's in third person). She's upset that Beca hasn't seen past the defenses she's put up, but if she doesn't open up to Beca, how is Beca supposed to know what's up?


End file.
